I'm having one of those times again.. Where I just want to disappear.. My life so far is great... 

At school.

My school is my break from all the problems at home.. All the fights. The screams and tears that I keep inside.

I have sleepless nights. Again.

I feel fat.. When I eat I want to puke. To get it all out. I fell disgusting. Ugly. Never good enough.

Thinking ; ''Where did I put my razor blade?''

I should think about it.

Now when I think of it.. There's so many of my friends that, wants to be boys.. And the other way around.

I really have started to think of.. What about me?

For some time ago I was a tomboy myself. Really much actually. 

I WANTED to be a boy myself.. Really bad..

But my mother forced me out of it.

Decided what I had to wear. Threw almost all of my clothes out. Forbid me to wear caps and hats. Threw make-up in my face.

Now I've accepted that I'm a girl. But.. Yet again.. Every time someone mistake me from a guy.. Instead of correcting them, I just stay quite and smile. When they say that I look like a boy, I say 'I hear that a lot' but in my head i scream ''THANK YOU.'' 

My mother hates when I wear shirts. She still forbid me to wear caps. I wear make-up for her sake.

I'm into SOME girly stuff. But hell. I game. I get drunk. I burp in public. (even though I say 'excuse me' every time. Hey! It doesn't hurt to be polite!) I eat and.. Eat and.. Eat like a motherfucker. 

I don't know anymore. I should really just give it up.